Conjugal Harmony

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According to the Shariah, man is held responsible for his wife and children. The Qur’an has entrusted to man the responsibility of feeding and protecting his family as well as channeling their career in clear and precise terms. Many times, the question of unfair sharing between man and woman is raised. But is it really an unfair matter? You have there a debate so often politicized by our feminists. God almighty is Just. He is Wise. He is the ole Creator. He provides for everyone according to His will. He is answerable to nobody whereas all men are bound to give an account to Him for their deeds. “He cannot be questioned for His acts, but they will be questioned (for theirs).” (Al Ambiyaa: 23)

However, while being All-Powerful, He acts with justice and equity which form part of His attributes. Allah Ta’ala has said: “Allah has bestowed His gifts more freely on some of you than on others.” (An-Nahl: 71). The lion has been endowed with a strong body whereas the sheep has no means of defending himself.

There are also differences among given advantages; but on the Day of Resurrection, Justice will be established. The Prophet of Allah, Muhammad (saw), has described absolute justice on the day of recompense thus: “On the Day of Qiyaamah (Day of Judgment), all creatures will be brought back to life including animals, insects and birds. Allah’s Justice will be established for all, so that hornless animals (will seek redress from) horned animals.” (Mustadrak)

The sheep will be given the potential to devor the lion. Absolute justice will thus be established: “And you will see the angels going round the Throne, while praising and glorifying their Lord. And Justice will prevail among them in all fairness, and it will be said: Glory to Allah, Lord of the Universe.” (Az-Zumar: 75)

Allah Ta’ala has established a balance in the universe. It is that balance that makes the moon orbit the earth, and the earth go round the sun. Allah Ta’ala has said: “As for the sky, He has raised it quite high. And He has established the balance.” (Ar-Rahmaan: 7). Likewise, Allah Ta’ala has set up a balance and an equilibrium in the life of a couple. And if that equilibrium is disturbed, there is then the risk of losing one’s bearings and falling into space. Science tells us that, if earth’s gravity were to increase very slightly, the moon would fall out of its orbit. Let us consider the balance that Allah Ta’ala has placed in the life of a couple.

Man enjoys authority and responsibility towards his wife and family, but that authority is not absolute. That authority is rather a responsibility for which he will have to answer before the Judge on the Day of Qiyaamah; man is not therefore free to make an abuse of his temporal authority. The Prophet of Allah (saw) has warned us thus: “Fear Allah in respect of your wife, as you have taken her on Allah’s trust. Her intimacy is based on Allah’s word. Your right upon her is that she must not allow anyone to tarnish her chastity, and her rights upon you are that you have to feed her and provide her with a dwelling in a graceful manner.” (Muslim). Everyone has his own rights. Man’s strength and authority are definitely not meant to dominate woman, but to satisfy her needs and protect her. It is by love and confidence that a couple comes closer; it is protective clothing for each other. Allah Ta’ala says: “They (the women) are a clothing for you and you (the man) are a clothing for them.” (Al-Baqarah: 187). One must understand that man and woman are, for each others, a source of peace and mutual togetherness.

We must understand that, just as our clothes protect us from the cold and from nakedness, so also the couple protects its chastity in order to be honored in society. That is why the Prophet of Allah (saw) has condemned all kinds of brutality towards the women, and has proclaimed that the best of men is he who is the most gentle towards his wife. “The best among you is he who acts in the best way towards his wife.” (Ibn Majah)

Harmony between man and woman is achieved when each of them acts within his/her sphere of responsibility. Each has his/her field of work, and that balance should not be disturbed. According to circumstances, woman is very often not aware of her own rights.
 

Allah’s word. Your right upon her is that she must not allow anyone to tarnish her chastity, and her rights upon you are that you have to feed her and provide her with a dwelling in a graceful manner.” (Muslim). Everyone has his own rights. Man’s strength and authority are definitely not meant to dominate woman, but to satisfy her needs and protect her. It is by love and confidence that a couple comes closer; it is protective clothing for each other. Allah Ta’ala says: “They (the women) are a clothing for you and you (the man) are a clothing for them.” (Al-Baqarah: 187). One must understand that man and woman are, for each others, a source of peace and mutual togetherness.

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