hurting loved ones because of jealousy
Q) Is it right for me to hurt my loved ones because of jealousy?
A) Islam came to bring spiritual standards to both physical aspect and also inner feeling of the human being. Islam aims at bringing the interior feeling of the heart on an optimum of cleanliness and good thinking. In fact the first condition of faith is to accept(as an inner change) that God is one and that Muhammad(peace be upon him) is His last sent prophet. Yes the next step after the interior acceptance is to pronounce the declaration of faith with the tongue. For that matter, a dumb will be a muslim from his faith deep down the heart.

Furthermore, the shariah prescribe a filtering of interior feelings. For instance, muslims are supposed to develop affection and love with each other. The holy prophet prohibited jealousy, enmity and fighting. Even the means to bad feelings are prohibited. The holy prophet(saw) exhorted: Do not look for news, do not spy, do not back bite each other and be the servant of Allah in strong brotherhood.(Bukhari) Jealousy annihilates or shave away rewards of good action.(Baihaqi)

Islam condemns even ill thinking of one`s fellow brother or sister. Allah Ta`ala says: Certainly there are some thoughts that are sinful. (49:12) The holy prophet(saw) said: It is sufficient to commit a sin by down looking his fellow brother(Abu Dawood). We may understand by all these texts that Allah Ta`ala want a muslim`s interior to be of a required standard. But still there may be tolerance of certain interior natural feeling, but they should not be exhibited through actions. An example is natural friendship and liking with some people. The holy prophet(saw) supported the harshness character of Bedouins but still never acted with them but with politeness and good attitude.

Once a Bedouin came and asked his right over some booty shouting and holding tight the collar of the prophet. The prophet smiled and turned to him saying to his companions:''please do give him his share.'' But this act is reprehensible and lack kindness. For that the Qur-aan commented on harshness of Bedouins and the holy prophet made a general talk on other occasions that kindness and politeness is a core requisite for a muslim.
The holy prophet(saw) said:’’The soul of people are grouped armies. The one that you were aquainted with(in the dimension of soul), you will appreciate. And the one who you were distant(in the dimension of soul before birth), you will disagree from them.(Bukhari)Although we may feel uneasy before some people, but still we are prescribed by shariah to show kindness and politeness to anyone. A hadith of Abu Dawood showed how the holy prophet acted to a bad person with good character. As such we may conclude that there are some inner feelings that should be hidden inside and we are requested to act with kindness.

Like any lover, jealousy bonds with self esteem and love. But that inner feeling is prescribed itself to a limit. Our mother, hazrat Aisha (ra) said she experienced more jealousy towards hazrat Khadijah(ra)due to the love that the prophet had for her. But when this jealousy came into a feeling of hurting, vengeance or enmity, then it is definitely condemned by shariah. For example, on the authority of Nassai once a companion complained of the infidelity of his wife to the prophet(saw). The holy prophet told him that he may divorce her. He said that he was fondly in love with her. So the prophet told him that he may keep her. As such shariah has prescribed a separation in case that there is vengeance and intolerance between partners. Else you may cohabit if your positive inner feelings exceed your negative ones.

Even between married couples, we are ordered to act with justice and be beneficent to the other partner. As such, it is not right to hurt your loved one because of jealousy. Rather, one should evaluate the negative events and judge whether you would still love her/him. If your love exceed the negative feelings, then cohabit with peace and affection and do not hurt each other. Else if you cannot forgive and the negative feelings exceed your love, then separate without hurting. The whole debate turn around the meaning of the verse 229 of surah Bakarah:
"The divorce is twice, after that, either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness. And it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of your mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) which you have given them, except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah (e.g. to deal with each other on a fair basis). Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the mahr or part of it) for her khul'a (divorce). These are the limits ordained by Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits ordained by Allah, then such are the zwalimeen (wrong-doers)." (Baqarah: 229)
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